Juppon Gatana Reunion Party!
by JPreps
Summary: General Hell-bound insanity with our favorite cast of villians! or What happens when the Juppon Gatana play Truth or Dare! [Complete]
1. Prologue

**Juppon Gatana Reunion Party**

Brought to you by the Representatives of the Juppon Gatana {AKA, Jar Opener and Cat-boy}

(Disclaimer: If you think that we own this series… we wish you were right.)

~~~~****~~~~

[N] Once upon a time, there was the Juppon Gatana.  They all hated Kenshin, so the author killed most of them in very painful ways.  They went to hell because they hated Kenshin.  Then Shishio came to power.

([Shishio] *looks at Yumi* and your mother said I should have been a dentist)

[Shishio] Hah! I am the protagonist now!

[Yumi]  Actually you're the protagonist in an antagonistic setting

[Houji]  And now for the Juppon Gatana Reunion Party!!

[Shishio] and maybe they'll actually decide to carry swords instead of random weapons…

[Houji] and if they don't, Shishio-sama?

[Shishio] I'll make them wear this…*holds up a purple & pink T-shirt with "Juppon Gatana Lovers Club" written on it* If you purchase this you get a free magazine! *holds up a porn magazin* er… *holds up an Animerica Magazine*

[Yumi]  And now for the party to begin!


	2. Scene One

(Disclaimer: If you think that we own this series… we wish you were right.)

                        ((Scene One))

[Kamatari]  Huh? W-where am I? I…. *sees Shishio a little ways off* SHISHIOOOOOOO!!!!!! {cue pink background, happy bubbles, and big bright eyes}

[Yumi] HEEELLLOOoooooooo Shishio! *lands on top of  Kamatari, forcing the crossdresser's face into the ground, just as s/he reaches Shishio*

[Kamatari] *shoves Yumi off and stands up* What the hell are you doing here with MY Shishio?

[Yumi] precisely. ** bad dum, ching** 

[Kamatari] Uhhh…. What?

[Cho] AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! *lands on his head near the others, falls over and touches his bent hair* My HAIR!!!

[Yumi] Awww, I'm so SORRY Cho-san, that first step is a doozy…. But the second one is even bigger! *pulls out a remote control and pushes a big red button*

[Cho]  *a hole opens up under him and he falls through* AIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!

[Kamatari] … Shishio-sama, what's going on?

[Shishio]  Oh, the general oocness that comes with these types of fic.

[Kamatari]  Nani?

[Yumi] Nothing, Kama-baka, it's over your head. 

[Houji]  So, Kamatari, how did you die?

[Kamatari] I'd rather not ta—

[Cho] AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! **baaaammm** 

[Yumi] Oh, you're back again Cho-san! *smiles* 

[Cho]  *whispers frantically* the fairies… the fairies…

[Kamatari]  oh dear… hmmm… what does this button do? *pushes the big red button*

[Cho]   AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

[Shishio]  And bring back some pizza! 

[Yumi] Well, Kama-baka, you were going to tell us how you died?

{Kamatari]  Umm.. I… *sees Shishio looking at him then mumbles something under his breath*

[Yumi]  What was that Kama-baka, I couldn't quite hear you… *big ear, leaning towards Kamtari* 

[Kamatari] I SAID IWAMBOU SAT ON ME! 

[Y, H, & S] …

[Cho]  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! **BAM**

{{ we actually have nothing against Cho, but we had to have someone to [physically] bash and Houji just wasn't funny enough}}

[Yumi]  *goes to push the button but Shishio stops her*

[Shishio]  You didn't bring back any pizza...  *pushes the button*

[Cho]  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

[Houji] Good going, Shishio-sama!

[Yumi] *pout* I wanted to ask him about how he died…

[Shishio]  Then push the button.

[Yumi] Oh, right! *pushes the button and Cho reappears*

[Cho]  the fairies… the fairies…

[Yumi]  Hey Cho-san, how did you die?

[Cho]  the fairies… the fairies…

[Kamatari]  *kick* idiot, we're asking you a question!

[Cho]  … a-anou… nani?

[Yumi]  How did YOU die?

[Cho] ah… Iwambu rolled over on me while I was trying to rescue Kamatari

[Shishio]  Awwwww! How sweet, he cares!

[Cho]  … could someone please help me up…

[Yumi]  Sure thing Cho-san!

[Cho]  oh no…

[Yumi] *pushes the button*

[Cho]  AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! *falls up this time*

[Kamatari] *looks around* ((the group is standing near a beautiful oak tree in a lovely green pasture. All around the field were people lazing in the shadows of random trees, playing in the glistening water of lake and just plain having fun.)) THIS is HELL?

[Shishio] Of course it is, we're here with him *jerks his thumb towards Houji*

[Houji] M-master Shishio?  W-what could you mean by that?

[Yumi]  Face it honey, you're old hat. Or shall I say, jacket?

[Kamatari]  I want that jacket… Hey Houji, can I have that jacket?

[Houji]  Of course not, this is a special jacket that Shishio-sama bought for me!

[Kama & Yumi]  NANI?!

[Shishio]  I did not have sexual relations with that man… 

[Kamatari] Yeah, Shishio-sama would never be gay. That is, like, sooo gross!

[Yumi] Sure, you're one to talk, you scythe wielding crossdresser.

[Kamatari] *smile*

[Shishio]  Say, Kamatari, do you still use that Scythe?

[Kamatari]  Sure do, Shishio-sama!

[Shishio]  Here, wear this *hands a pink t-shirt to Kamatari*

[Kamatari]  *heart eyes* for me, Shishio-sama? EEEE!!! *happy sqeals insue as s/he runs to change*

[Cho] *hole opens up in ground and Cho flys up through it, then falls back onto the ground* Itaaaaiiii… 

[Yumi] I'm sorry, did that hurt Cho-san?

[Cho] No, Yumi, I'm okay

[Yumi] Oh, well what about this? *pushes the button*

[Cho] *looks up just as a giant toothbrush falls on top of him* what the…. *the toothbrush seems to be examining him. A great feeling of doom suddenly settles on Cho*

[Yumi]   Oh Cho-san… you might want to run, that one has a… thing… for brooms.

[Cho] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!            *runs around with a giant toothbrush at his heel*   PUSH THE BUTTON! JUST PUSH THE F***ING BUTTON!!

[Yumi] … well, if you insist…  *pushes the button*

[Cho]  *is buried under a tribe of giant toothbrushes*

[Houji]  *sweatdrop* Don't you think we should help him out, Yumi-san?

[Yumi]  Yeah, I think we should help him out, but I'm not gonna. 

[Kamatari] I'M BAAACCCKKKK!!!

[Yumi]  *glares* I thought we got rid of youuuu---… oh my.

[H & S]  O.O

[Kamatari]  It was a bit long on me, so I turned it into a dress! *smiles and poses for the camera. The shirt's sleeves have been taken off, s/he is wearing a padded bra and has a ribbon tied around his/her waist,. The end of the shirt almost reaches his shaved knees*

[Shishio]  For the first time I think I'm about to cry…

[Yumi]  :*pulls a video camera out of no where and focuses on Shishio's face*

[Houji]  and suddenly this becomes a teen drama…

[Yumi]  Shishio-sama, I think you need to loose a few pounds… *from behind the camera*

[Shishio]  *doesn't seem to take any offence to it at all*

[Kamatari]  Ah, Shishio, does my hair look okay?

[Shishio]  Why does everyone think I'm FAAAaaaAAATTT?!?!?! *runs off crying*

[Yumi]  *drops the recorder and runs after him*  I'M SO SORRY SHISHIO-CHAAANNN!!! 

{{ Yes, we realize that Shishio and "-chan" do not go together }}


	3. Scene Two

(Disclaimer: If you think that we own this series… we wish you were right.)

                        ((Scene Two))

[N] Night has fallen over Hell and the five dead members of the Juppon Gatana are gathered around a campfire near their oak tree.  Houji has a qiutar and Yumi and Kamatari are singing

[K & Y] Kunbaya, my lord, kunbaya….

[Shishio] Oh, you two don't have to dedicate a song to me! 

[Kamatari]  But we were—

[Yumi]  *hangs on his left arm* of course we do, Shishio-sama. After all, if we don't appreciate your greatness, why should those who aren't as close to you appreciate it?

[Kamatari]  --n't  

[Houji] *sweatdrop*

[Cho]  the fairies… the fairies…

[Yumi] Oh will you please SHUT UP?!

[Cho] The fair—

[Yumi]  *pushes the button*  **a brick falls out of the sky to hit cho, but stops a meter above his head, slides over to Kamatari and lands on him instead*

[Kamatari] X.X

[Shishio]  Yumi! You killed Kamatari… again.

[Yumi] Well at least he died honorably this time. 

[Cho] that's honorable?!

[Shishio]  Well more honorably than dying by Iwambou *points at Cho and laughs* Wussy, wussy, wussy!

[Houji] Why is it, now that we're all dead, I'm the only adult of the group?

[Shishio] Oh it is on now!! You are gonna smell what Makoto's cookin! 

[Houji]  I smell what you're cookin' and it smells pretty nasty!

[Shishio]  Houji you're so ugly you have black circles all over you're body from being touched by ten-foot poles!

[Houji]  Well at least I don't get girls only because they have an addiction to BARBEQUE SAUCE!!

[Shishio]  *stands up with Yumi and Kamatari, all looking exceptionally pissed*  Them be fightin' words *puts on a sombraro*… Yumi… Press the button.

[Yumi]  Gladly!  *pushes the button*

**suddenly, Houji is hanging at eye-level from a branch of the oak tree**

[Houji]  Why do I have this sudden feeling of doom?  ((the fairies… the fairies….))

[Yumi]  *steps into sight with a sombraro and poncho on, her eyes obscured by a bandage and a long stick in one hand and is singing*  Obliterate, exterminate, 'cause lord Shishio told me so!

[Houji]  *sighs with relief* ~It's only Yumi. We all know she can't hit worth beans~ 

[Yumi]  *With some miracle Yumi actually hit him… oddly enough, she hits him in the groin*  Genocide, Houji finally dies, and an order of homicide to go! *with each wack, no matter at what angle, she manages to hit the same spot*

[Houji] X.X

[Kamatari] Come on, Yumi! You hit like a GIRL!

[Yumi] Unlike some people here, I actually AM a girl! 

[Kamatari]  *ignoring her* Shishio-sama, why didn't you let me do this? I have AIM!

[Shishio]  *sips some sake* exactly.

[Yumi] *manages to hit a different spot and breaks his arm* **crack**  Hey, I think I got something!

[Cho] Just wait till you get to the cream filling ((referring to blood))

[Kamatari]  Yeah, that's always my favorite part! ((Not referring to blood))

[Yumi]  Will you stop distracting me!!! **CRACK** *blood falls from Houji's temple as he passes out*

[Cho] Aw man, you spoiled the fun!

[Yumi] Huh? What happened?

[Kamatari]  You whore! You killed Houji!

[Yumi]  But Kamatari didn't kill Houji, I did!

[Shishio]  I smell barbaque… Hey! I am barbaque!

[Yumi]  And that's why I love you, dear.  *as she takes off the bandage*

[Cho]  Too much information…

[Y, C, K, & S] …..

[Cho]  I'm bored.

[Yumi]  Okay! *pushes the button*

[Cho]  Dear God! THE HORROR!  THE HORROR!!!!  *sinks to the ground, covering his eyes*

[Kamatari]  Do I really want to know?

[Yumi] … I don't even know…

[Shishio]  I know I don't want to know. 

[Kamatari] *watches Cho* I'm confused…

[Yumi] You were BORN confused.

[Shishio]  *after watching Cho shake with horror for a good three hours* I'm bored again.

[Yumi] I know, let's play Truth or Dare!

[Kamatari] Yeah, let's!  {{This agreeing thing will not last….}}

[Shishio] But I don't want to be the only guy playing.

[Yumi]  *dryly* You're not.

[Kamatari] I am neither a man nor woman.

[Shishio] Still, I don't want to be the only REAL man playing.

[Yumi]  What about Cho?

[Shishio] I said a real man…

[Kamatari] What about Usui? Isn't he dead too?

[Yumi] Yeah, but he's no fun.

[Shishio]  Still, I'd feel better about playing..

[Yumi]  Well.. for the sake of your manliness, I suppose we should ask him… *pushes the button* 

[Usui] W-what do you want?

[Kamatari] You're going to play a game with us!

[Usui] I'm not really into that sort of thing.

[Yumi]  It meant an actually game, not that you hentai!

[Usui] How was I supposed to know with you around, Yumi?

[Shishio]  Usui, you are going to play Truth or Dare with us, or I shall make sure that you are tormented for the rest of eternity

[Usui]… alright.

[Kamatari]  That's it? No verbal bashing? No horribly twisted puns or male cat-fights or childish behavior?

[Usui] no. I just want to play.

[Yumi]  … well… that was unexpected. **ba dum, ching**  Hey, that wasn't a pun.

[Drum player] I know, I just felt like playing.

[Yumi]  I knew something was going to happen. 


	4. Scene Three

((Scene Three))

[N] Now the five of them (Cho finally got over whatever it was) are sitting around the fire again. Houji's body is still swinging from the tree branch. 

[Cho] Truth or Dare, Shishio!

[Shishio]  Truth.

[Cho]  How are babies made? *pleading eyes*

[Kamatari]  … you're kidding, right?

[Cho]  no.

[Shishio]  Well, when a guy and a girl love each other very much they hot, unendin—

[Yumi]  SHISHIO!

[Shishio] What?

[Yumi] This is only a pg-13 fanfic!

[Shishio]  Oh! Well, the stork brings them.

[Cho] but Shishio, you killed the stork!

[Shishio]  *dreamy look*  It was the best stork sandwich I ever had….. Kamatari?

[Kamatari]  Dare!

[Shishio]  I dare you to kiss Yumi!

[Y & K] NANI?!  

[Shishio] What's the matter Kamatari? Afraid of kissing a girl?

[Kamatari]  No, afraid she'll like it too much

[Cho]  Hey Yumi, where'd you get that shotgun from?

[Kamatari]  *turns around and pulls a "Bugs Bunny" plus tongue on Yumi*

[S & C] eeeewwwww….

[Usui]… ?

[Kamatari] *lets go of Yumi* you're turn

[Yumi] *crying* I dare someone to get me a toooothbruuush! 

[Shishio] Sorry, none of us have good hygiene here, try again!

[Yumi] Kamatari…

[Kamatari] … against my better judgement, I'm going to choose dare.

[Yumi] I dare you to kiss Usui!

[Kamatari]  Damn you…

[Usui]  *makes a kissy face and waggles his tongue suggestively* 

[Kamatari] No way! Yumi, give me the button! *grabs the button and punches it. Cho promptly falls through the floor*

[Cho] Not again…. AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

[Yumi] poor Cho, I could almost feel sorry for him.

[Cho] AAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! *bammmm*

[Yumi] *takes the control back and presses it* Almost.

[Cho] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

[Kamatari] We should do something about the hygiene problem though…

[Shishio] Well it's not that big of a deal anyway. We are dead, after all. Of course, some of us have worse hygiene than others. Usui, for example. He can't even tell the difference between a pot of oil and a pot of water!  *begins to laugh manically and runs off*

[Usui] So HE'S the one who did that!!! *chases after him*

[Yumi]  Geeze, I thought he figured that out months ago….

[Kamatari] *sweatdrop*

[Yumi] *takes Kamatari's sweatdrop and wacks him over the head with it* That's for kissing me like that, you **&&%*! 

[Kamatari] Yumi, you shouldn't say **&&%* in this fanfic!

[Yumi] Shut up! I can say **&&%* if I want to!

[Cho] *somehow back without the usual announcement* hmm I wonder why they're saying random symbols put together?

[Shishio] *no we don't know where he came from either*  I don't know but I want a stork sandwich. *pulls out a bow and arrow and shoots a flying stork*

[Cho] where'd you get that?

[Shishio] get what? *is holding a sandwich*

[Cho] Where'd you get THAT?

[Shishio] Get what? *the sandwich is now gone* 

[Cho] Nevermind.

[Shisho] Hey kids, if you don't want to end up like Cho here buy ShiShiO's *holds up a cherrios box* the food that stays crunchie in: milk, water, windex, barbaque sauce, mustard, mayonnaise, kool-aid, brake fluid, Oil and stomach acid! 

[Cho] Uhh… wouldn't that mess up your digestive track?

[Shishio] Yeah, but that's what makes it so darn nifty.  Besides, who cares? We're all dead anyway!

[Cho] Good point.

[Yumi] hmm… this fic seems to be falling rather flat…

[Kamatari] For once I agree with you.

[Yumi] Actually we've been rather agreeable throughout the majority of this fanfic.

[Shishio] Okay! I'm changing our name!  We're now the Four swords, one Scythe, two fists, four blades, Usui's little blade thing and a partridge in a pair tree!

[Y, U, &C] …

[Kamatari]  … who is the partridge?

[Shishio]  Nooo… what IS the partridge?

[Usui]  Another form of stork, perhaps?

 [Yumi] Wouldn't it be a Stork in a pear tree, then?

[Cho] but do storks eat pears?

[Shishio] How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? 

[Usui]  *puts on a pair of glasses and takes out a scroll* 2,871 pieces of wood per year, to be precise.

[Yumi] Usui… why are you wearing glasses?

[Usui] they help me see

[Kamatari] But you don't have eyes!

 [Usui] Oh. Yeah. They're my reading glasses.

[Kamatari] But you can't see!!!

[usui] Stop ruining my dreams!!! ::crys and runs off::

[Shishio] *sits down and thinks* His eyes were melted over…and tears were coming out of his eyes… that's not possible!

[Yumi] Shishio, honey, this is a fanfic. ANYTHING is possible. 

[Shishio] Oh. **sing song voice** I married the smart one!

[Kamatari] You… you're MARRIED?!!?! ::runs off crying::

[Yumi]  when did that happen? 

[Shishio] Yumi. This is a fanfic anything can happen. *smirk*

[Usui] Yeah! We can pull anything out of anywhere {{stop thinking like that you perv…}} *pulls a rabbit out of his boot* 

[Cho] *somehow standing on a mountain* And we can FLLLYYYY *jumps and falls* okay.. so we still can't fly.  Good thing I'm already dead or I would have died!

[Yumi] Hmm… Kama-baka isn't back yet… Oh well! The less the merrier. 

[Shishio] Well that's just great, now we need a new person for Truth or Dare…

[Houji] *wakes up* I want to play!!

[Shishio] …. Fine.


	5. Scene Four

((Scene Four))

[N] Now all the players, save Kamatari, are back around the fire.

[Shishio] *looks at Yumi* Since Kamatari never did fulfill that dare; I suppose it's still your turn.

[Yumi] Houji!

[Houji] Truth.

[Yumi] Damn… uh… what is your one wish? 

[Houji] I want to be a real member of Juppon Gatana…. *suddenly his nose begins to grow* 

[Usui] That has got to be the sickest thing I have ever seen…

[Cho] … that's it, I quite. This too rude for me.

[Shishio] Houji. Truth or Dare?

[Houji] but, it's not your turn 

[Shishio] And who's the leader of the Juppon Gatana?

[Houji]… you are.

[Shishio] and what does that mean?

[Houji] That you get special privliges…

[Shishio] Okay. Now that that's settled, choose dare.

[Houji] but—

[Yumi] You heard the man!!

[Houji] Dare.

[Yumi] *thinking* Finally! Houji gets what is coming to him!

[Cho] *thinking* I really don't like Houji…

[Usui] *thinking* doughnuuuuttt…

[Cho] *thinking* How rude

[Yumi] *thinking* you think everything is rude

[Usui] *thinking* Cheesseecaaakee..

[yumi] *thinking* huh? Kamatari?

[Cho] *thinking* and you call me rude. 

[yumi] *thinking* Well you are!

[Shishio] *thinking* I am your father… *insert darth vader hyperventilating*

[Houji]  … I wonder if I'm the only one who notices that they're not actually thinking. 

[Yumi] *thinking* but what are you doing in my head?

[Shishio] *thinking* Use the force Yumi…

[Cho] *thinking* **flips through some scripts** uhhh, we're not to that fanfic yet…

[Shishio] *thinking* Well.. umm.. use the force anyway…

[Yumi] *thinking* right… but I'm serious. Since when did we all be come telepathic.

[C & S] *thinking* this is a fanfic. ANYTHING can happen!

[Usui] *thinking* Paancaaakeee.. 

[Shishio] **clears throat** Anyway… Houji, I dare you to dress up like a baby.

{{WARNING: turn off ALL mental images before you read the next few lines}}

[Houji]  Okkayy…  **undresses, much to the other's horror, and puts on a pink diaper, blue frilly bonnet and holds a rattle** goo goo, gaa, ga. 

[Usui] My EYES! They're melting!

[Cho] They're already melted…

[Yumi] Isn't it a tragedy?

[N] Suddenly a stork… swoops down out of no where… and takes Houji away… what a tragedy. 

[Shishio] Hmm… stork… *takes out a bow and arrow and shoots it* 

[Yumi] Yay! Stork sandwiches for everyone!

[Shishio] No… stork sandwich for ME. And do you know WHY?

[Y, C, & U] because you're the leader.

[Shishio] Which means..?

[Y, C, & U] you get special privileges.

[Shishio] See. You learn.  

[Cho] Who's turn is it?

[Yumi] Mine!

[Cho] How is your turn?

[Yumi] because I'm married to the one with special privileges! *sing/song voice* I'm married the smart one!

[Usui] Power. It always goes to their heads. 

[Shishio] Usui, it's your turn.

[Yumi] But--!

[Shishio] You already had several turns.

[Yumi]  Fiineee…

[Usui] Shishio.

[Shishio] Dare.

[Usui]  I dare you to… **dooooooommmm** take over the world. 

[Yumi] **suddenly the Pink and the Brain theme song begins to play** Augh! Shut that off! **the music stops**

[Shishio] I accept the challenge.

[Yumi] But Shishio-san, won't Kenshin stop you like he stops EVERYONE?

[Shishio] Yumi, news flash: I'm already DEAD. What's he going to do? Kill me. Don't forget, he only has one more season of life left, then he's on MY turf!

[Usui] but you have to take over before we can finish the game.

[Shishio] … that's right. To hell **snicker, snicker** with the third season! We'll just interrupt!

[Yumi] But Shishio—

[Shishio] It's okay, Yumi. It's a fanfic, anything can happen. 

{{THE END}}

JO:  It's over. **sniff** It's kinda like watching your baby grow up…

CB: We had a baby? Why was I never told this?

JO:  Uhh, I think you missed the point. -.-;;

CB: But what would Saito-chan say?

JO: Cat-boy…

CB: I mean, ME cheating on Saito-CHAN?! I'm a baad Caattt Boooyy.. 

JO: righhtt… 

CB: Wait, wait, I know what you're thinking! I'm not that way! Saito is really a girl! His name is Tina!!!

JO: I think you're scaring people… 


End file.
